THIS IS REAL... THIS IS ME (*im exactly where i'm supposed to be*)

Have a look at some pictures below they relate to my blog in there own ways, evidence of me hating myself and what i looked like but mainly being happy as I've had a happy year.

A larger than life Vanessa Me and Alison

Me in Athens

Me and sister Sara

Me, Yaisa and Kelly

Me, Soraya, Amy and Yaisa

Me and Sophie

Me and Yaisa

Why hello fellow bloggers!

Today's blog is just going to be a rambling about myself really, things that i've learnt over a very quick year that is 2009.

12 months ago I had no idea how my year would turn out, I'm a big dreamer, majorly ambitious but things that I've achieved this year, I could never had expected and bad things that have happened to me over the year, I've handled better than I would ever have in previous years.

As you know I finished my university course and that in itself is a real truimph, regardless of my grade (I got a 2:2 which i'm very proud of.) Four years ago I would have told you I won't be going to university and now here I am, the only university graduate in my family and really praying that I get a job within the media. Will 2010 bring my ultimate dreams to life... perhaps!

Something to start 2010 with a bang could be the fact that very probably I could be working at a local radio station (voluntary but still awesome!) If all pans out I could be their traffic reporter for the surrey area, cool or what?

I think I have 'The Secret' to thank for such an amazing year. I've mentioned the book in my earlier posts but the book basically tells you to think and live how you want life to be. You are the only person stopping yourself from achieving your dreams, and because of this I've become a happier and more positive person.

I'm much more confident with the opposite sex, get alot more attention and altough i didn't bag my man this year, there's always 2010. I haven't been surrounded by the best relationships and i truly think that's affected me. I spoke to a dj last nightwho said that girls who have a black dad and white mum, tend to look for qualities in their black dad and vice versa if her dad is white. I totally disagree! I love my father whole heartedly but would rather date a white man, although my dads characteristics are something I'd love in my future boyfriend.

I've been more daring this year and had the most fun. I've been to two festivals (isle of wight and Lovebox), been on 3 holidays (Ayia Napa, Barcalona and Greece), been to gigs (PussyCatDolls, VV Brown, Goldie Lookin Chain) mingled and met many new people, visited clubs that I've been meaning to go (Maya, Amika, W) had a TV experience (can't discuss that in too much detail), been creative (loving my song writing more than ever and started writing comedy sketches again.)

But with the good, come the bad and wow have a had a few shocks that left me devastated. Something I thought would never happen to me happened and I felt stupid but i rectified the situation quickly and maturely and the situation passed like wind. With your mistakes and problems you learn how string you are and when i was a teenager tiny things would make me feel like i had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Friends would be suprised that i'm anything but confident and happy but when I was 13 to 15 i would get depressed at the top of a hat and honestly i'd think life wasn't worth living! Don't worry dudes though, my emotional breakdowns never saw me do anything silly. These days I can see how the book decribes how to make your life better. Don't just sit and wallow in self pity, get out there and do something about it. Think happy thought. I you're feeling low, list a few things thats make you smile.

Mine include:

• being lucky enough to appear on television (makes me feel special to have been picked out of thousands)



• my neice (she is the coolest person and i consider her one of my best mates, sad that she's only 4 but she acts about 8). she's funny, happy, always singing and dancing and like the little sister i never had.



• Seeing Pussycatdolls & Lady Gaga in concert ( they are my inspirations for attitude and figure wise, lol)
  

Life is for living, and i choose my destiny. Instead of thinking the world is out to get you, show them your special and important. I love how the book makes me think.

Instead of thinking I can't find a job and going on the dole, I refused to go there and told myself i will find a job. Next day after handing out my CV i hear from one of the vacancies invititing me for a trial. No wishing about it, I WILL GET THAT JOB.

I also have more self image confidence. I used to think I was fat, ugly, people looked at me only because they were disgusted and if they whispered they were bitching about me. Well that took a long time to crack but I'm back on weightwatchers because i know i feel happier and more confident when I'm slimmer. I'm wearing tighter clothes and am recieving compliments that help me every day.

So thats me, warts and all!! Look out for more update. x x x