THIS IS REAL... THIS IS ME (*im exactly where i'm supposed to be*)

Have a look at some pictures below they relate to my blog in there own ways, evidence of me hating myself and what i looked like but mainly being happy as I've had a happy year.

A larger than life Vanessa Me and Alison

Me in Athens

Me and sister Sara

Me, Yaisa and Kelly

Me, Soraya, Amy and Yaisa

Me and Sophie

Me and Yaisa

Why hello fellow bloggers!

Today's blog is just going to be a rambling about myself really, things that i've learnt over a very quick year that is 2009.

12 months ago I had no idea how my year would turn out, I'm a big dreamer, majorly ambitious but things that I've achieved this year, I could never had expected and bad things that have happened to me over the year, I've handled better than I would ever have in previous years.

As you know I finished my university course and that in itself is a real truimph, regardless of my grade (I got a 2:2 which i'm very proud of.) Four years ago I would have told you I won't be going to university and now here I am, the only university graduate in my family and really praying that I get a job within the media. Will 2010 bring my ultimate dreams to life... perhaps!

Something to start 2010 with a bang could be the fact that very probably I could be working at a local radio station (voluntary but still awesome!) If all pans out I could be their traffic reporter for the surrey area, cool or what?

I think I have 'The Secret' to thank for such an amazing year. I've mentioned the book in my earlier posts but the book basically tells you to think and live how you want life to be. You are the only person stopping yourself from achieving your dreams, and because of this I've become a happier and more positive person.

I'm much more confident with the opposite sex, get alot more attention and altough i didn't bag my man this year, there's always 2010. I haven't been surrounded by the best relationships and i truly think that's affected me. I spoke to a dj last nightwho said that girls who have a black dad and white mum, tend to look for qualities in their black dad and vice versa if her dad is white. I totally disagree! I love my father whole heartedly but would rather date a white man, although my dads characteristics are something I'd love in my future boyfriend.

I've been more daring this year and had the most fun. I've been to two festivals (isle of wight and Lovebox), been on 3 holidays (Ayia Napa, Barcalona and Greece), been to gigs (PussyCatDolls, VV Brown, Goldie Lookin Chain) mingled and met many new people, visited clubs that I've been meaning to go (Maya, Amika, W) had a TV experience (can't discuss that in too much detail), been creative (loving my song writing more than ever and started writing comedy sketches again.)

But with the good, come the bad and wow have a had a few shocks that left me devastated. Something I thought would never happen to me happened and I felt stupid but i rectified the situation quickly and maturely and the situation passed like wind. With your mistakes and problems you learn how string you are and when i was a teenager tiny things would make me feel like i had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Friends would be suprised that i'm anything but confident and happy but when I was 13 to 15 i would get depressed at the top of a hat and honestly i'd think life wasn't worth living! Don't worry dudes though, my emotional breakdowns never saw me do anything silly. These days I can see how the book decribes how to make your life better. Don't just sit and wallow in self pity, get out there and do something about it. Think happy thought. I you're feeling low, list a few things thats make you smile.

Mine include:

• being lucky enough to appear on television (makes me feel special to have been picked out of thousands)



• my neice (she is the coolest person and i consider her one of my best mates, sad that she's only 4 but she acts about 8). she's funny, happy, always singing and dancing and like the little sister i never had.



• Seeing Pussycatdolls & Lady Gaga in concert ( they are my inspirations for attitude and figure wise, lol)
  

Life is for living, and i choose my destiny. Instead of thinking the world is out to get you, show them your special and important. I love how the book makes me think.

Instead of thinking I can't find a job and going on the dole, I refused to go there and told myself i will find a job. Next day after handing out my CV i hear from one of the vacancies invititing me for a trial. No wishing about it, I WILL GET THAT JOB.

I also have more self image confidence. I used to think I was fat, ugly, people looked at me only because they were disgusted and if they whispered they were bitching about me. Well that took a long time to crack but I'm back on weightwatchers because i know i feel happier and more confident when I'm slimmer. I'm wearing tighter clothes and am recieving compliments that help me every day.

So thats me, warts and all!! Look out for more update. x x x

FASHION WEEK FOOLERY!!!

It wouldn't be London Fashion Week without a bit of controversy, back- stabbing and bitching and with a subject that is always at the end of the fashion elites lips, it didn't take long.

For me the Skinny Vs Curvy debate is becoming tiresome, it's something we all have an opinion on but i'm bored because all the protest of designers' using plumper models, seems to lie on deaf ears.

Gok Wan has campaigned tediously with his 'Miss Naked Beauty' show on Channel 4, Louise Rednapp challenged herself to lose riduclous amounts of weight for 'The truth about size zero,' and Natalie Cassidy has been open and honest about her obsession with losing weight, saying ''If I had a big meal in the evening or something I would take laxatives before going to bed. Which is very dangerous and wrong. I'm happier now.'

I think that some people in the fashion industry just aren't open to the effects that these dangerously skinny models are having on young girls. Aswell as it affecting our teenagers, it must be terribly hard on the models themselves as we've heard the stories of models starving themselves to become more successful; with this leading to deaths in the worst cases.

I'm pro- curves on the catwalk but I have to be honest and admit that the plus sizes models used in MARK FAST's 2009 collection made me look twice. They are afterall, very beautiful women but at risk of sounding nasty, i can spot their slight love handles ( as i suffer the same thing.) If you compare them to the other two slimmer models, you're going to compare aren't you? The skinnier models have cleaner sillouettes, but to me, the two skinnier models are borderline skinny, they don't look unhealthy, just very slim.

I commend MARK FAST on using plus size models and i blame the people using models with BMI's of under 18.5 for making myself and other's overly critical of our own body.

The gorgeous model- Crystal Renn, has embraced being a larger model (size 16) and explains that she "represents natural, happy women."

As MIKA would sing... BIG GIRLS YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

lots of love, THE DIVA. x x x

FREE YOUR MIND, DON'T BE SO SHALLOW

I have never felt so creative in all of my life! As students across England are beginning university, i'm left with not much to do. A student no longer, i have only a few days of work to keep me occupied, so my mind is running away with the world.

I was studying Creative Writing & Journalism, so it seems only normal that I'm a creative person, my fingers just itching to write.. and write I will.




I have a few writing passions: I love writing songs and I love thinking up comedy sketches. I'm going to put these passions to the test and really get into it.


I took inspiration from sketches like 'TRIGGER HAPPY TV,' 'PEEPSHOW,' 'SMACK THE PONY,' and 'LITTLE BRITAIN.' If you've seen these shows, you'll see the humour i'm working with... immature, crude, silly and bizairre.

When it comes to writing songs, I have been since i was about 8 years old and doing a writing popular music course at uni has only relighted my desire to write songs. Fingers crossed my sisters bf's brother is producing some songs as i type.


This post is basically to say: BE AMBITIOUS, don't let your dreams seem fiction, you can make them a reality and i believe my dreams will be.

I'll keep you posted on how my writings are going... possibly even posting lyrics and sketches online.

Lots of love

The Diva

x x x x

FOR THE LOVE OF... MUSIC

I had a wicked night yesterday and relived my Isle Of Wight Festival experience. Me and sarah went to WESTFIELDS where VV Brown was performing a few of her tracks. Despite thinking it was going to be a gig in a dindgy, sweaty warehouse in Shepherds Bush, it was a really odd atmosphere as with being in a shopping centre people are less enthusiastic but armed with her megaphone, VV blew the crowds away with her Rock 'n' Roll, Reggae and Soul inspired songs! I loved her performing style, with involved springing around the stage barefoot, shaking her tambourine and banging drums, she also does some crazy but wicked arm movements.

Her new single which has to be my fave song from the set is 'Shark in the water.'

Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPQlxHWsemI

She also just came across as the loveliest and most grateful artist ever. She told us how every song she writes has a little story behind it and I read that she was a backing singer for Madonna! I'll definetely be buying the album 'Travelling like the light' soon.

The set only lasted 30 minutes or so, so being the music lovers that me and sarah are, we headed to Kingston club McClusky's to see Goldie Lookin Chain (@ New Slang) who we had praised at Isle Of Wight. It was alot more intimate and being a few feet away I managed to man handle a few of them.

The groups songs are like a work of art but filled with crude lyrics to do with dicks, sex, weed and everything else, they may not be everyones pint of beer. The lads from Newport had the audience dancing along to their skillfully choreographed dances, attempts of breakdancing, some Sean- a -Paul runnin man moves and stolen Blazin squad shapes. The tunes are well catchy, 'You knows it,' 'Your mothers got a penis,' and of course 'Guns don't kill people,' so basically everyone was going fecking mental, jumping up and down, and cracking up at the nonsense spoken by the sweaty lot. I think the sh*t they chatted about makes them somewhat attractive, although I don't think they'll be in Heat magazines Torso of the Week, they have a boy about town manner.

I would quite happily buy this album aswell!

Check out: 'You knows i love u baby.' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=botnsA3KOWI

All in all, I had a wicked evening with 2 amazing performances!

The LIFE and DEATH of a musical legend: MICHAEL JACKSON

It's been nearly two months since the saddening news that the inspirational MJ had died after a cardiac arrest....

... Musica channels are still playing his famously classic hits, with the younger generation hearing what he was made famous for, his songs are re- entering the charts and the world is generally being very supportive and postive about the situation.

The man had been victim to a scandalous and privacy- invaded life, he had his fair share of problems and all i can say is now he doesn't have to deal with the problems anymore.

I have to share my connection to the G: We shared the same birthday: 29th August... and however stupid this sounds, i'm very grateful to have that special reminder of the man.

I remember when i found that vital fact out aged about 11years old that i was super duper impressed! And even when tickets were running out fast for his hotly anticipated tour (which would have started at the 02 already) I told the facebook world that i should rightly have been given a ticket as, after all he was my BIRTHDAY TWIN.

I had never dreamt in a million years that the globe would be saying goodbye to a musical genius and I have always been a fan. I felt disgusted at his treatment of being branded a Peadophile... ok, his relationship with young boys' was altogether strange but doesn't it make sense that the media twists and turns things, that ordinary people lie to make a buck?

Michael's life was blighted by tales of a violent father, over sexed brothers and a loss of childhood and i don't think i'm naive when i truthfully believe he was living his adolescent life into adulthood. His life and death has been well documented and I think MJ himself would've been proud of his send off. I can cover my emotions but even i was struck by sadness when holidaying in Cyprus, I saw the televised memorial service; it was his daughter Paris and her speak that brought a tear to my eye.. afterall we forget the man wasn't just a performer but he was actually a fantastic father and caring person!

So I'll be raising a toast to Michael jackson on the 29th of August 2009, celebrating my 21st birthday and aswell as celebrating the life of MJ.

REST IN PEACE MICHAEL! YOU ARE AT PEACE AT LAST!

This week I will mainly be debating views on the: PETER & JORDAN split

well hullah!!

I said when I started my blog that I'd comment on the lives of celebs but truthfully I've written whatever I bloody like and nothing about celebs.

Thought I'd bring it back to what I had intended and have decided to discuss the madness that is Katie Price and her 'mysterious' ex- boy Peter Andre.

Sad news for the loserville villagers but YES the pair have split, but who is suprised? It's been well documented in OK! and their own fly on the wall show, Katie & Peter: The next chapter, that things have not been running smoothly in the Price Andre headquarters.

It doesn't make it anyless sad that they are divorcing though, spare a thought for the kiddlywinks. And where to even begin on this subject matter... as a girl who has been through her parents divorce, I know how it is!!

You'd think Jordan would want some privacy in a time like this but OH NO! she's straight to the magazines to give her outspoken story of events, but this is probably why people are so quick to think the divorce is a publicity stunt. I must admit I believed at first that it was but the fact that Peter has kept quite quiet that makes me believe it more.

I'm a fan of Jordan and don't have a bad word to say about Peter but she is coming across as a bit of an attention seeker. She seems to be handling the situation very well but then again, each to ones own, because that may just be how she deals with it.

So how much do we want to bet that the reality lovers will reunite in a full blown, magical, public OK! magazine interview. Well if we're talking about OK! then I'd bet £1,000,000 that they will be back together within a few weeks. At least for the sake of the kids they should give it another go!!!!

GOOD LUCK to the family as if genuine, divorce aint the way!!!

LONG TIME, NO WRITE

hiya fellow divas and hustlers!

Hope all is good in the real word! I have a feeling that I'm going to be blogging quite alot from now as I've completed my 3 year journalism and Creative Writing course!

I'm so shocked and proud that I've done it because i remember starting in 2006 and thinking "This is not going to last." It's scary to think that I'm no longer in the education system, no more loan, good bye to student discount, this girl is gonna be working 9 to 5 like Dolly says.

I'm trying to evaluate what I want to do with my life but what do you do when there is so much you want to do and what you want to do is near impossible for you to get into to?? (sorry for the tongue bashing!)

I say this because I'm quite an ambitious lady but I don't know where to start when it comes to making my dreams come true. There is seriously so much I want to do with my life.

Theres the entertainment route: wanting to be a tv presenter, a dancer and a songwriter

The business route: wanting to own a club or dance dance.

The "I care about my community" route: to be a police officer and do some volunteering!

I really want to make my parents proud and I also want to live an exciting life.
I'm going to sleep on this and get back to you with what the plannage is.


SCARY TIMES LOOMING!

Lots of Love

THE DIVA

x x x