The girl who was 3 boys!

Firstly! What the absolute fuck? Are teenager's these day's completely
 stupid?  So if you didn't watch Channel 4's 'The Girl Who Was 3 Boy's,' you missed a topical delight because not only was i shocked and baffled but i had to head straight to Facebook to vent my bewilderment. This girl Jessica created 3 male alter ego's with 3 different styles and personalities, somehow duping her 2 best friend's into believing she was a teenage boy. She invested hours of creating facebook profiles to groom her 2 best friends but how could they not tell it was their best friend of 2 years? I feel like teenager's desperation for a boyfriend or girlfriend is sinking to low... back in my day we'd hang around the Bentall Centre or the Trocadero but these day's teenagers are just chatting on MSN. Are you dumb, naive or both? People don't always seem like they would have you believe online. But back to the victims... What made me laugh was that Jessica (he/she) duped her friend not onze but twice. The girlfriend's never quized why their boyfriend never took his phone off and never noticed the un- canny similarities between all 3 boys. Now I'm an inquisitive women and I'd like to think I'd notice it if my mate of a afew year's was dressed as a boy... Otherwise I'd move country out of shame.

You can understand why one of the victims chose to have her face blurred! Now sorry to get a little bit grimey but when Jessica aka Cona, Aaron and whatever the other fake lad's name was tried getting some sexy time with one of the girls, she striked lucky and used a friggin dildo on her. Even if you've never used one in your life, how would you not notice it wasn't real... Unless this pretend boyfriend had splashed the cash to get a top of the range one. And what about the girl that got done over twice? She said when the guy she thought was a guy started touching her down there, she told him to stop, bear in mind her nan was downstairs. Would you or would you not scream the house down if a guys was being a bit too much? Or maybe it's just me and people know I won't take sh*t!

I feel bad that I didn't actually feel bad for the victims, they say it sounds crazy but he/ she had everything on point- the dialect, the walk, the clothes but still, I can't believe you wouldn't bé able to tell a boy from a girl. The programme finished with me ranting about how desperately teens of today must want a boyfriend. I know people of 17 that have had more boyfriend's than me but the fact is, it's because they're not fussy. High five to my dad for telling me to ignore boy's until after university. Sorry dad, i may not have lasted until university but you did leave me with lasting morals. I decided after the documentary that my children, failing common sense, will not bé allowed on facebook and MSN without major safety measures. I'll also bé inviting the boyfriend/ girlfriend and their family to my humble abode so I can quiz them (I'll leave the lie detectors at Jezza's) but to bé honest my children will bé savvy like me.

URGH! Foolish children.

50 shades of Zzzzzzzz

I probably should read the blurb of this erotically penned 3 part hype before I knock it (so bear with me as I get to grips with it ;) There we go, I'm done!

Now just the other day as I was huffing and puffing my way onto the tube home, I spotted a lady in her mid 30's holding a kindle and sporting one hell of an aroused face... it makes me chuckle every time i remember and I would have bet a tenner that she was reading 50 Shades of Grey. Good for her that I have no hard evidence that she was reading this story but for everyone else reading it with it's evidentially obvious front cover, a sense of embarrassment shudders through me. A few of my friends have warned me that I will be expected to read the trilogy and far from being a prude, I will read it, I just don't like jumping on the band wagon and even at it's 3 for £10 price tag at Tesco, I'm still not over- joyed.

Friend's had read the instalment's in the same amount of days which makes me think 1) you're either sex deprived 2) have nothing better to do 3) are just really really really kinky and into that whole Mills & Boon drivel.  I reckon it would take me at least 3 days to read one of the books (and before you knock me for having the reading span or abilities of an 11 year old, I'll have you know that I've always enjoyed reading and was top of the class... I'll have myself to believe anyway's.)

It's probably that I'm just a bit bored of EVERYONE talking about it and people's statuses about wanting a Mr Grey are cringing me just a bit. I'm not cussing people at all, I'm glad it's got the nation reading and it even inspired myself and a friend to word our very own erotica story whilst casually working out in the gym; we thought it would be the perfect place to set a hot and steamy sex scene and we continued the innuendos until we couldn't contain out laughter any more! Like the Harry Potter books that I left untouched as a child, I'll be waiting for this sought after book to hit an Odeon near me... someone once told me this would be a bad idea and would be worse than reading the book. Well I say bring it on and I know what I'd rather be doing than reading this book and I think the majority of men would ask their wives and girlfriend's to put that sh*t down and come upstairs!

Peace x

The frown of brown

Recently I’ve wanted to get on a sunbed and I have done so in the past, but not for a roasting and not for vanity’s sake. Instead I would happily risk the UV damages as it helps clear scars that I’ve incurred through having severe eczema. I do fear of the dangers of getting skin cancer but it seems that there’s always something lurking around the corner. I couldn’t get over the news story that broke about the overly- tanned US woman named Patricia Krentcil. 

I think we’d all be in agreement that she looked grotesque or like she’d had some fun rolling in something we shan’t mention. It’s clear that we as a nation as obsessed with tanning and being mixed race I’m lucky to have a tan all year round but friends don’t get why I sometimes fake tan… well I tan for precisely the same reason that a white person would, for that extra glow and people when summer is fast fading, so is my glowing complexion. H&M are now being heavily criticised for their bikini ads and I’d admit that I’ve looked at the campaign photographs and thought to myself “damn that chick is dark,” but at the same time I found myself drooling because in my opinion she looks hot. I’m not that naïve so I’m awake of airbrushing and I’m aware that her mahogany tan is more than likely painted on… still I can’t help but lust after that colour (of which after a week, I actually get that dark.)

So whether the ads encourage the use of sunbeds and unachievable looks, I see no major issue with them.

 It’s not like H&M are putting turbo delux sunbeds next to their changing rooms, is it! People are free to tango themselves if they feel they look pale and those that embrace their natural colour… Big up! These days tanning salons have increased their prices, making it a lot less affordable for school kids to visit.

Don't hate her coz she's beautiful- Do the pretty girl rock

Sometimes a man will hold the door open for me, buy me a drink, pay for my cab home even but unlike Samantha Brick, I do not glorify myself as being ‘beautiful.’ It’s great that she has so much confidence in her looks when so many women put themselves down and strive to alter their looks with surgery and make- up but mate, you need a wakeup call. When the Daily Mail story broke and I was faced with a picture of a blonde lady, I simply shrugged, she wasn’t ugly but she definitely didn’t make me go “C’OR BLIMEY.” I could persecute her, which I did initially because it was amusing to do so- I said her teeth were awful and she has a massive spam. Am I right or am I right?

She say’s friends dropped her because they couldn’t contend with her looks, hmmmm, they probably dropped her for another reason, irrelevant of her looks. When I drop female friends (which isn’t often) it’s usually because we’ve grown apart, they’re a compulsive liar or simply a right twat. I have many girl friends that I class as being significantly hotter than me and although there could be the odd occasion that I get a case of the green eyed monster, I don’t hate them because they’re beautiful. Time to find some ugly friends maybe? Nope, it’s no biggie. Maybe that’s why I have so many friends and get on so well with females, because I don’t have a huge ego, perhaps it’s my lowered self confidence that put’s me on a level with them. I’m not skinny, I’m insanely tall and have my flaws but I’m grateful for my differences, sorry Samantha, I promise you I would not give you a second glance! Maybe we could for lunch next time I’m in France but don’t get jealous if me and your husband hit it off, I’ve been known to have that effect LOL.

Here’s a memo for you Miss Brick, women don’t hate you because of your looks, and they hate you because your smuggy attitude stinks. Of course women are jealous of other women or perhaps let’s use the word envious, that’s life. I think this woman deserves her own warts & all documentary to see if everything she claims is true… She shouldn’t be surprised if she gets a few ‘bricks’ through the window from insanely jealous women after her article. She’ll never know now if women are giving her dirty looks because she’s a sexy mamasita or just because they think she’s a prized pillock for her arrogance!

To smack or not to smack... that is the question

In today's news: Should smacking be banned and was it to blame for the London Riots?

In my eye's it seems completely barbaric to suggest the London Riots happened because children are no longer allowed to be smacked. I reckon if we questioned some of the criminals of last summer's riots, a vast  majority of them would have encountered a smack or more. I think this because if they were that dumb to torch shops, steal discount trainers and hurl bricks at police, they probably come from a family of poor morals and perhaps were pretty dysfunctional to begin with.

The London Riots absolutely disgusted me and they still do. I'm not the richest or the smartest but I was disgraced to witness the events. My childhood was a nice one, I was happy but if I misbehaved I was disciplined. My mum would give me a light smack on my bum or hand and my dad wouldn't even need to smack me. He would just give me a look or raise his voice and that would be enough for me to flee my house and hide in the alley behind my house.

I never ran and hid because I was worried I'd be abused, I ran because I knew I'd been naughty and didn't want to face the music. I'm very close to my mum and dad and see smacking as acceptable. I can't say if when I have children if I'll be using the same methods, especially if it is about to be widely banned but i see nothing wrong (it never had me in pain). There are many other way's to teach your children right from wrong.

Take me back- Giggs reunion

Natasha Giggs leaves the Celebrity Big Brother house into the arms of her long time suffering husband Rhodri Giggs- what a mug! Sorry Rhodri but I'm deducting major man points for even thinking to let her crawl back. If my sister's even kissed a partner of mine there would be some serious repocussions and my partners nether regions would be seriously black and blue.

Hell hath a woman scorned! Yesterday the married couple appeared to be patching up the last few month's of turmoil as they took a stroll around a park and it seemed like they were still very much in love.

Family gathering's are going to be extremely awkward. Eeeek! I say chuck her and found someone that can keep their crotchless pants up. I would never forgive someone that cheated on me, let alone with my sibling, even if it happened only once; for it to happen over 8 years, that is disgusting.

All about Aura

Last night I braved the cold to party away in Mayfair... a little birdy had told me that Amanda Harrington from E4's show 'Desperate Scousewives' was coming down from Liverpool to see how us Londoner's party.

I've been to Aura before and their parties are pretty legendary, so legendary that all the tv stars of the minute were in attendence last night. After hoggin the dance floor for some time, I caught the eye of a rather sexy and tanned fella (it was after  a few more glances that I realised I was perving over Geordie Shores) Greg. I pulled out my funkiest moves but nothing... ahh well, you can't blame a girl for trying.

It was after focusing my attentions on Greg that a friend made me aware of all the other talent. To our left and doing it for Team Towies was Joey Essex, James Argent and Mark Wright; the boys looked in high spirits and were lapping up the admiring looks from passing women. Not long after they were joined by Spencer Matthews and Jamie Laing who were lapping up attention even more, I have to admit to going in for some high fives to congratulate them on their sick dance moves lol. The two seemed to be loving their fame but still seemed very grounded campared to a certain X factor runner up. Yup sad but true, the sweet Marcus Collins came in with a baseball cap (too much perhaps?) and told my friend in other words back off as he wanted to be low key. That couldn't be said about his mates in The Risk- Derry, Charlie and Andrew were having dance offs with Geordie Greg and were happy for me to speak to them. I told the boys how they deserved to stay in the competition much longer and for some reason declared 'I'm not Kelly Rowland!' During this thrust, along waltzed in Matt Cardle and yes one of his trusty caps (someone make him bin them!)

After so much excitment I had to call it a night just after 1:30am, well it was a school night for me, it's not like i get paid to party BUT that should so be a job.